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  • Government Name: Quaheem Edwards
  • Register Number: 10800-084
  • Age:28
  • Time Served:6 + yrs.
  • Home Town:Paterson, NJ
  • Sentence:20 yrs
  • Current Charge:Conspiracy to Distribute, Weapons, Witness Intimidation
  • Alias:Ox-Splish
  • Release Date:2024
  • Prison Affiliation:Blood
  • Circle of Influence:Charles Taylor Jr., David Drone, Joshua Carrell, Tewhan Butler
  • Institution:USP Tucson
  • I now know what I want out of life for myself, my family and my community. I am strictly about rebuilding and change. On paper, I will always be affiliated. I took an oath! But I BANG for a real cause now, or a few causes: CHANGE, UPLIFTMENT and PROSPERITY. RAISE UP!

Thoughts of a Man

thoughts-man-prison

I have always had my own perception of the type of individuals who lived up to the title of a man. One is not a man simply because he is over the age of twenty-one. It is true, according to webster’s Dictionary, a man is an adult, sir, gentleman, a male. But there are certain duties that come with being a man that I feel define a man.

Men are responsible. Men not only have a team to hold him accountable, he holds himself accountable.

Men are fathers. Not just because the part he plays in bringing a child into the world, nor because he spends half his paycheck on material things. A father is fully engaged in his child’s life.

Men respect women, all women. He understands his position, and he’s aware of a woman’s position as well.

We as men are too prideful. Until recently, I have not lived up to any of my own expectations. A man’s ability to learn from the mistakes of others helps him avoid making the same mistakes. Over this journey I am fortunate to not only learn from my experiences, but part of my growth came from paying attention to the next man’s experiences and heeding the advice of others.

I am a big fan of the chess-life analogy, especially when it comes to learning from others. When I stand and watch a chess game I am able to see things I would probably miss if I was playing. And in life, standing on the outside looking in has allowed me to correct my mistakes by learning from others.

In order to man up I must hold my self accountable. Boys play the blame game. I accept the fact when I mess up it is no one’s fault but my own. As a man I have choices. I understand that my choices not only affect me but others as well. I can and will make better decisions. Below are five labels of a man all of which have at one time or another applied to me.

The Ignorant Man
I was very fluent in the words that lessen a person’s value. I would act out in public. It did not matter who was around. Most of my thoughts were irrational, and often I acted on these thoughts. “If we change the way we look at things, the things around us will change.”

The Control Man
At one time in just about every situation I felt the need to be in control. I wanted to run things in every aspect. I wanted to play boss. Even in relationships I felt the need to make decisions for myself and the woman. This tore relationships apart. The control issue was just as bad when I was put in position lead members of my gang. What I learned from this is a man who is controlling will eventually lose control and drive everyone off the cliff with him if they don’t bail on him first. Then they will surely laugh at his downfall.

The Yes Man
Although I was in a position to lead, I was not fully able to make my own decisions. My decisions were based on responses and the negative energy around me. I was a puppet moving to the next man’s beat. “I never in my life learned anything from a man who agreed with me.”

The No Man
Growing up, as early as when I was 15, every chance I got I would remind people that I was a man. Whenever someone tried tell me what I should be doing my response was, “Listen, I am a man. I don’t take advice.” This sounded cool at the time, but in reality this was the ignorant man talking. Back then, I had no idea what a man was. The ignorant mindset carried into my adult years. Looking back, I was clearly no man.

The Gentleman
What I like about the gentleman is he demonstrates positive mannerism when dealing with women and elders and also when dealing with conflict. Over the past five years I have slowly adopted the strategy. I can now bow out of a situation without any sense of pride holding me back.

 

  

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