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  • Government Name: Tewhan Butler
  • Register Number: 26852-050
  • Age:34
  • Time Served:11 years
  • Home Town:East Orange, NJ
  • Sentence:30 yrs.
  • Current Charge:RICO
  • Alias:Massacre
  • Release Date:2029
  • Prison Affiliation:Blood (Double ii/QSBG)
  • Circle of Influence:Altariq Gumbs, Emmanuel Jones, Lester Alford, Marco Miguel Robertson, Pele Brown, David Drone, Jermaine Ray, Marcus Martin, Michael Simpson, Omar Austin, Quaheem Edwards, Torvos Simpson, Vincent Gamboa
  • Institution:USP McCreary
  • Here, my life behind bars offers understanding for those of you who venture into ‘the life’ with no understanding of its consequences: the adversity, the obstacles and the journey one must travel alone when the gavel is slammed, your cell is locked and the lights go out.

The Struggles of a Father in Prison

Last night I laid in my bunk painfully asking myself questions I so desperately wish I did not need to.

Questions like:

How do I prevent my young daughter from falling victim to the unlovely statistics that spit venom in urban communities across America?

How do I alter what appears to be an unfavorable destiny for so many of our young black youth, especially my son?

Apart from the sheltering of their mother, what happens when the mean streets and its unrelenting evils begin to seduce their young impressionable minds?

The allure of who I am believed to be becomes tempting. I stare at photos, the innocence upon their faces, and wonder what will become of “my” time?

Will occasional cards, letters, and phone calls make up for my actual absence?

My children are at a disadvantage. The negative aspects of family continuity threaten their livelihood.

Why couldn’t I see this carefully contrived cycle before now?

It hurts to know I’ve failed. Memories tucked away of birthdays, Christmas, and Easter all will be had but none with me.

Can you imagine what this feels like to a man who wants nothing more than to raise his beautiful little girl and his strong young son?

What if a part of them resents my existence because, although I exist, my physical presence is non-existent?

So far away. Humiliation often pushing me farther.

Afraid to call my own son. scared to visit with my own daughter. No words can compensate for the fact that they are forced to live through the very thing that I fear for the most . . . abandonment.

I wonder if my children love me because I am deserving or simply because they are taught that is the way things should be.

The thought in itself is enough to drive me insane. Through life and its uncertainties my one truth is that I love my children but as our reality comes fixed with long distance, barbwire, shackles, and metal bars, I’m left to question, do they know?

  

One response to “The Struggles of a Father in Prison”

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