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Lex-O

O que fazer?

Isso aqui é Lex-o. Eu sou de Omaha, Nebraska e não "barriga" não foi filmado lá. Eu sou 32 anos de idade e estou cumprindo uma 188 (15 anos 8 meses) sentença mês por um criminoso na posse de uma arma de fogo, posse com intenção de distribuir cocaína e crack nas federais e roubo com as obras no estado. Eu não sei quanto tempo isso vai ser, mas vai ser o ponto e como sempre comigo de verdade.

I come from a dad that smoked dope for as long as I can remember, until about 4 anos atrás. And I’m very proud of him. I didn’t know him until I was about 18. My mom used to dance to take care of her family. She stopped about the same time too. I have a step dad that couldn’t stand the sight of me. Agora, how he feels about me. I also have 3 lil brothers and 1 lil sis. They range from 27 a 13 lil sis being the youngest.

I was a part of a family that, bem, I felt I wasn’t apart of. My step-pops couldn’t stand me. I learned how to take one hell of a punch at a young age. I know what it’s like to be an outcast in your own family. My mom and bro’s weren’t on that but it was a everyday thing that I got blamed for something. Rather it was my bro’s not cleaning their room to why his clothes weren’t ironed. Mom was always in the clubs all night so when she went to work we were coming from school and when she came home it was hours from us getting ready for school. She had her own time up against pop’s and a few times in my defense. I remember one time that he was trying to stab me and mom’s got in the way and made me go downstairs. Bem, he had other ideas he threw the thing at me. Luckily for me he didn’t know what he was doing. But that doesn’t change the fact that it was scary as hell!!

That there is just the top of things. When we went to Target one time- my three brothers, my step dad and myself- Bem, my bros call their self shop lifting right? They get caught I happen to have not found anything I wanted. Assim, nothing was in my pockets. We get pulled by the store cops and end up in the back. They have us empty our pockets. Boom, there are assortments of things in their pockets from action figures to candy. I don’t have a thing right? We get to the car, he tells us to get in the car so I wait so I can get the window and what does he do? He tells me “no not you”, you’re not getting in this car. You taught my boys how to do this and humiliated me for the last time, you can walk. And just think how far the Target is out by the old Skateland on 90th and we stayed on 64th and Hartman by Rocket Park. At the time I’m about 13 ou 14. I made that walk and never told my mom’s or anyone until this moment about it.

The time I really started to mess with the homies was when I was 16 the winter of 95. He kicked me out the house in the middle of the night. You have to understand at the time I’m game goofy. I don’t know anything about the streets at all. I was book smart up and down. But the rest was lost on me; it was a life I knew nothing about. My life consisted of school, home and the neighborhood that I lived in at the time. The crazy thing was I could fight my ass off. I wonder why? De qualquer maneira, out I go and my dumb ass ends up at The Omaha Home for Boys. Porquê, because that where he always to me unwanted boys are sent. Assim, I went there. I ended up in the back of the cop car on a ride back. I told them that I wasn’t wanted and had to find somewhere to live. They took me back home and he told them that I ran away from home. Mom never knew about that either. A week into the new year I started to go to Black Burn High School. That’s when I met my first homie from the Projects. Cuz was simply wild! Respected, feared and loved all in the same breath by many. Myself I wanted what he had, I didn’t know what it was but I wanted it. What I remember the most about him was when his homie got into it what first day he was right there no hesitation at all. Out numbered and all. There was no fight that day the school cops broke it up. And I remember him saying (ON HILLTOP, IT’S WHATEVER CUZ) later I found out that, that’s what it really is.

I can’t say that I started kickin it with him and all that because I didn’t. The homie stopped coming to school, he got locked up too after the first day. I ended up kickin it with some dudes that like to break into houses and claim the street right up the block from me. I thought I was the shit. Got in a couple of fights, smoked weed everyday and broke into houses. That ended up bad. The cops were looking for me. I ended up getting chased up and around the backyards of the houses that I kicked it in everyday. And there was a creek right there. The first time I lost them I was like a legend around there they started to call me Shadow. Because one moment I was there and when them light hit the block I was gone! But the next time not knowing any better it was in the same spot and ran the same way. Unknown to me they kept getting tips that I was around. Bem, I got caught that day. My mom talked my step pop’s into paying my bail it was a rack ($1,000). I get out and go right back doing the same thing with this young nigga and go on a 15 a 20 house spree. That ended up badly. They came to his house, knocked on the door. And earlier I told him that something was wrong because I kept seeing this car drive by and I don’t know any one in this spot that drives a car like that. So they knock he lets them in, I slide out the bedroom window. And damn there goes one, on the side of the house I dip on him get right back to the house we just got done breaking into that morning. Everything is still the same. Assim, I call his house *67. Well its about 20 min later I still hear and see these cop cars hitting the block looking for me. As I said I called and he answers!!! I ask him is they gone? He said me yea they gone, then ask me “where are you at”? I stop and think this dude won’t be talking like this if they were gone he would be talking about how I got gone or how they weren’t’ nothing. But we got all this stuff in his house. Assim, I tell him the Cum and Go, not two minutes later the cop cars are flying up the street to the store. I end up getting caught later and go to this spot called z-mod. It’s above the court house and it’s for juveniles. There are 4 tanks literally, with bars across the front and bunk beds on both sides of the rooms, two large table in the middle with the shower and toilet in the back blocked off.

This is the place where I decided that I was gonna be respected one way or another and I kept looking back to that first day at Black Burn.

I learned that the click I was claiming was nothing but a bunch of nobodies. But I still repped what I was at that time even if they were just a click. I got a fast course on what hoods were, how to throw them up disrespect, shoot dice, sell drugs and what respect was. I fought everyday at least once for about 3 months and I can say I never lost a fight there.

I came close but I never came back in the cage with my head down. I meet my homie Danny Ray Robinson there he’s doing life plus for a body fight now. He’s the first Hill Top 33rd gangsta crip, that I can say gave me the game. It wasn’t free at all. I was lucky moms was taken care of me at the time and I got visits on a regular. To say that she was worried for her son that she knows nothing of the streets is in here with what she was…Eu não sei. But in that time I was gone (a year) my mom got in a bad car accident and flipped her car like 10 times coming off the interstate. Someone slipped her something in her drink at work. She was messed up and still is but not physically as much as mentally. You see my mom’s a DIME and all she knew was profiting off her looks and conversation. In the long run she was able to come back 90% but I still don’t see that confident women I knew so long ago. We all lost something that night, her more then any. I knew that I couldn’t show any weakness or that’s what I thought at the time. I never cried about that nor grieved in any way. I just did what I always did when I couldn’t change something, I put it away. And took it out on the next dude I fought.

While in there I learned a few mean lessons that I carry today, and some flaws too. I still have this lil man complex where I feel like there’s always someone trying to get over on me. Even though I’m in such good shape that there’s no way for me to be that lil man anymore. I push a strong line with homies I have a devotion to my set almost to a fault. I’ve always looked for acceptance in life and I found it when I was there. It’s bad to say but I’m comfortable in this setting because I know what’s expected out of me and what to do in most situations. But there’s nothing like being free and able to open your door in the middle of the night just to go outside and smell some fresh all.

On my 18th birthday or as we call it “C” day. I was transferred to the county that was the scariest ride of my life. I didn’t know what to expect. I go from getting this down to moving up with the big boys. I get there and the whole day is as every first day is, slow. I talk to a few people, most just know that I just turned 18 so the word passed fast. I seen a couple of dudes that were in Z-mod with me that moved up. And the greetings were as nothing changed from place to place. I was a lil stuck because I though that it would be a major difference from place to place. But there wasn’t, I went right in the swing of things from the same meals, count times, C/O’s, shooting dice, fumar maconha, visits everything. But I also learned a new way to get caught up. Poker!!! It cost to learn and it’s not cheap. I had a gambling problem from the beginning because I was winning, but no one wins forever. There is no big winner besides the house. Every week I would end up giving someone something from the commissary because I lost that week and if it was the other way it was no where near the same in return. Now I can say I’ve not stopped playing cards but I’m mostly the house or I only play what I can afford to loose and that’s what I have on me at the time. Never should you have to owe someone for something that you never got to see. Your paying someone money so you could sit at the table for a few hours to pass that lonely time away. You can come up with way better ways to spend that money your loved ones sent in. Now I use that money to eat what I want when I want and to talk on the phone and e-mail or send and take pictures. That money benefits me not someone’s pocket. It took me 14 years to see that I was on the wrong path and I still have trouble staying on the right one or the one I feel is right for me.

I was able to get out of that situation (cadeia) on a plea agreement. I got 2 years probation, but what they didn’t tell me was all that time I spent in there was just to sit. (It didn’t count towards my probation not one bit but I didn’t know this.) I did a year and 4 days in there over wanting to fit in and kick it.

I got out and didn’t fit into anything that was going on in my family. They moved to a new neighborhood that wasn’t gonna fit me at all. I did my home confinement that was three months and let me tell you there are somethings that you have to do that are messed up.

My step dad could tell the difference in me because after that he never had to much of anything to say to me, let alone want to put his hands on me. I don’t know what it was but there was no convo, he may tell me something one day and not say anything to me for weeks. I could live with that.

A year into it I thought that I had completed my probation I didn’t know anything about anything at the time beside all this stuff I learned in jail and I wanted to test it out. On the streets its a whole new ball game there are no fights like I could get into if they weren’t seen with the same outlook. Running around the city stealing cars, rims, and stereos was my hustle at the time.

I ran into this dude that I knew from Z-mod named Waldo he introduced me to his homies named Desi, Jug Head, Cheese and Kenny. All we did was smoke weed, drive around town looking to get some money for some weed, drink, and mess with women. Kenny had this older girlfriend and they were always on each others backs. I kicked it with them for a long while but it wasn’t what I was looking for at all.

So I went down to 33rd and California around this time. I ran into my homie Hollow Tip at the time he was still from 40th Ave. But all his family stayed in the projects. And his mom and mine worked at the same spot and were close. That was the first time I got to experience what a real homie was. He took me to the Jets and introduced me around. A couple homies knew me from Z-mod and the county jail. I wasn’t accepted in the set or anything right off. But I was there and I loved every moment of being in the Briccs. There is no better feeling then to be apart of something. I don’t have the words to describe what it was I thought I was missing in my life but there I found it. After a while I was either in the Briccs or on 33rd and Cal. I ended up going out to Arizona on a hum bug trip with my homeboy I had met from the county. He is a white dude named Switch Blade. We ended up out here and was stuck out there at this place called Glob Arizona. We sold cotton candy, pickles, pop and popcorn to the Natives on the reservation out there. I had two great experiences that happened to me out there and one horrible one. I called home and found out that this girl I was sleeping with was getting an abortion. I was so messed up I had to leave. I called and talked to my family and decided to go out to SanBeridino California. I had a blast out there but that turned up bad too. I had stole some checks and had my cousin and their men putting them in their checking accounts and withdrawing the $300 a day from their ATM. To say I was having a blast was an understatement. Bem, that didn’t turn out too good so I ended up back at the crib.

I ran into Waldo and them and tried some more dumb stuff with checks and ended up in the county jail. I had a forgery charge and so did the ones that drove me out there. In the end I received a 1-2 sentença de ano. I also had a warrant for violation of my probation. So they ran all that together. While I was in there I was with three of my big homies OG, Psyco, OG Chipper and Six Pacc. The whole time I was there I ran into couple of dudes that didn’t know me and I had to show them that things aren’t as sweet as they seem. I’ve been in a lot of altercations and a lot of it was because I was trying to prove something not only to hose around me but to myself. In the end I found out that all real homies want from you is for you to be yourself and keep it trill. Não tente ser algo que você não é. Stay in your lane, know what you’re good at. Don’t fake it to make it. The realest out here are trying to accomplish something so don’t feel that you have to be everything. When I was going to the joint OG Chopper and OG Psyco vouched for me. Meaning that if I wanted to be put on the set then they would be the one to say yeah. I went to East Omaha with Chopper. The whole time from when we found that we were going to the same spot I was like this the real deal. We weren’t there 20 min. before OG Griff, Corn Flacc, Twaan Locc, (from Hill Top) and King Tut shown up. I ended up in the mod with them.

It was about three months I was there before it happened. They came to me and asked me if I wanted to be from the Projects. And I responded yeah more then you could know. Later on that night I got jumped in the gym. I can say I got Tut good because he’s about my size at the time and for real they let me get him because he’s been riding me for a min. So I got off on cuz and that only lasted for a min or so then I got my issue. It was like the whole yard knew what time it was when I came out from cleaning myself up it was like nothing I will ever forget. There was a new respect for me, I fight to keep that respect everyday even when it wasn’t my fight.

Since then I’ve done two more bids both longer and more drawn out. One for an assault, and this one. I’ve lost a lot of homies to this game, rather to gang violence or to these life long prison terms. They don’t have any problem handing out. The city has torn down two projects to clean up the violence. But the feds are the ones really hurting the game, they are handing out something called a Mandatory Minimum. If you’ve committed two violent crimes and then get caught with a gun, they you are considered a Armed Career Offender. Regardless if you’ve had a gun charge or not. The if you have two prior drug convictions and get caught with dope. Then they can give you a life sentence.

Since I now know that these people are handing out I’m like it’s the thing do to. I believe that its time for me to lay back and live a regular life. I’ve found my religion. I’m a Sunni Muslim and I’ve come to place all worries in Allah’s (GOD’s) mãos. I still function with the homies but in here you aren’t just with your set you are now apart of what is a car!! If you are a Gangsta CRIP then you are in the same car as the neighborhoods and Hoovers. If you are from Texas then you are in what they call the South car. There is nothing about this fed stuff that you can put past them. With the dudes there is a saying (in the Feds you can be anything) meaning what you tell me you were doing out there is what we have to go by. Unless someone from your city is there then

Right now I’m doing this MEN S.T.O.P! and LIVE from LOCKDOWN because I want to help someone in the same predicament that I was in growing up. Or anyone that needs someone to talk to that won’t doubt what they are going through, what they believe or want to do. I want you to be able to get something from my words, rather they help you or whatever. This life isn’t what the movies, or how some make it out to be. This life is simply rough. Don’t be afraid to stand out and have your own dreams and beliefs. Not everyone has your best interest. Trust in your and God. Because in the end that’s who you will have to answer to.

Don’t think that you will be able to change whatever it is that you want to overnight. That’s not gonna happen either. But be diligent and persistent in your goals. I believe in you if you don’t!!

Keep moving forward always.

Lex-O

  

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