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Detaljnije

  • Vlada Ime: Samuel Karim
  • Registrirajte se broj: R10346
  • Starost:43
  • Vrijeme Služio:20 godina
  • Mjesto:Čikago, IL
  • Rečenica:ŽIVOT
  • Trenutni Charge:Ubistvo, Pokušaj ubojstva, Sexual Assault
  • Pseudonim:Pseudonim
  • Datum objave:N / A
  • Zatvor Zajednica:Zatvor Zajednica
  • Krug utjecaja:Kenneth Key
  • Institucija:Stateville popravni Centar
  • It feels good to be an engine of change in hopes of leaving the world a better place than the one I was born into.

Samuel Karim: Who I Am

20 years of incarceration- Samuel Karim of Chicago, Illinois

20 godina zatvora- Samuel Karim of Chicago, Illinois

Digging deep in the complex soil that is me, Samuel Karim, understanding why I am who I am– that is my legacy.

I was born during the 1970s into a Muslim home with its own complexities. My father was a minister of the Nation of Islam. I was born in Chicago. I have lived in Saint Louis, Fort Worth, Los Angeles, and Gary, Indiana. I have attended around nineteen different schools. I really never had any sort of foundation except for violence.

Even while I would love to say wonderful things about my childhood, I am left only with the truth. My father turned into a bleeding alcoholic with abusive ways. On top of it all, my community was full of drug dealers, pimps, rapists, deadbeat dads, murderers, robbers, banda bangers, child molesters, womanizers, i drugi. It was the school of hard knocks, and the only way to really make it in this life was to become my deadly reality.

I can remember as a child seeing my first dead person on a sidewalk outside the Hawthorne Movie Theater at the Hawthorne Mall in California. And I learned that night to mind my own business when I saw things going on. The effects of that night still haunt me. I remember having knives in school as well as knives in the County jail. I have spent my whole life fighting and being abusive to others, not at all understanding that I was suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And while suffering from PTSD, my whole experience on earth has been spoiled because I had no help with understanding who I am and what I want to become as a human being.

Once I understood that I was not a so-called monster and that I was a hurt person living with a mental disease and acting out of pain, it became clear to me that I needed to be something more than what people thought I would be or was. So I started to think of the world in a different way. I thought about how I could be more selfless and still work on myself as a person.

Then I met a selfless person, Doktor. Burroughs, in prison and she taught me how to think about life in a different way. It’s crazy that she didn’t know me from a can of paint, but she took a real interest in me as a person, and it was as if I came to her class every week a better person than the previous week. She was like a second mother to me. Then I lost her, and I was again faced with what to do. That was when I faced myself and knew that in order for me to change I had to be able to depend on myself plus be sick and tired of my current set of circumstances.

I learned that day once you get sick and tired of being last in line, you have to be willing to put the hard work into yourself. Most of all I had to be disciplined in every aspect of my life. Another strong point to fixing myself: I had to change the way I thought about everything I ever thought I knew.

One thing I started to understand was that I had years upon years of conditioning to become the person I was. What’s really upsetting about that way of thinking is that I thought I was thinking normally. But the reality, my wrongs were right and my rights were wrongs.

So I understood at this stage that I needed to have some tools as well as give myself a better life. Once I was off Death Row I understood that I had to let go of what I was and become something that my experience, environment and education have ill prepared me to become. I started with getting my GED. Then I was taking a House of Healing class that helped me to see the pain body as well as dealing with grief and the pains of my childhood and teenage years. Even more importantly, I took on my shortcomings as a parent and I started to take Inside Out Dad class to become the father I needed to be. Then I took a course outside the prison: Crimanon. In this time I was accepted to Indiana University from prison, but I didn’t have a proxy to see my degree out. Then while dealing with all this, I found a starter kit to begin to deal with my mental health by way of anger management, grief class and critical thinking.

As things moved along, I started to write more. I wrote The Truth Hurts, Vol. 1 Book of Poems, then I wrote Sam and Lady’s Big Adventure, a book for children. Then I wrote a few essays entitled “Change in Here”. I have been working with others to pull together Iamkidculture.org and “Stop the Cycle” to work with at-risk youth to give our kids a chance to overcome their urban hell.

It feels good to work alongside other men to pool our skill-sets for the greater good.

As I look back, Ja se pitam, why did I ever join a gang? I believe on the one hand I always wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself and on the other hand I just wanted to be loved as well as fit in with the fake in-crowd. But one good thing that has come from that street life is that I know the language to speak to the youth so that I’m not just talking down to them. I am able to relate to the lifestyle of hustling, slanging and banging.

My goals now are to become a force for change under this Hood PTSD so that I am able to help others who come from the same place I do. I cannot lie; it feels good to be an engine of change in hopes of leaving the world a better place that the one I was born into.

  

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