Imagine waking up in these surroundings knowing, “This is where I will die”. Knowing all possibilities have failed and the only HOPE is FAITH. Of course you wouldn’t know that feeling and thanks to a higher power, I don’t know that feeling either….But I wake up and look into the face of a man that goes to bed every night with the obvious. A man who has given up on HOPE and no longer chases “FAITH” because she has been a hard one to keep up with. A man serving two LIFE SENTENCES and has 17-years straight under his belt. This man is my cellie. A real laid back and humble man. When he was first placed in this cell with me, he fed me a brief summary of his circumstances, and he was so motivated and determined to give those LIFE SENTENCES back. HOPE was his right hand man and FAITH was his misses. (Walk with me.)
He recieved his property which was stacks of legal material, briefs and outdated motions all related to his case. So, I sat back like, “I know this man was brought into my path for a reason”. I’m serving 22-years and still have 13-years remaining. I figured my cellie could help me with my case or at least point me in the right direction….I later learned that I was wrong. After breaking down one day, my cellie gave me the truth (no kut). He made it clear that there were no loopholes that could get him out. He was caught “red-handed”. He also made it clear that those stacks of legal work are just for show. It’s his only escape. In his words, “Pretending that I’m filing motions gives me that feeling like I’m still in the courtroom fighting.”
I never understood what he meant and some things aren’t meant for us to understand. TWO LIFE SENTENCES! It makes me wonder, “What’s the purpose of the other life?” It’s not like one can actually serve and complete one term before serving the next. Not even possible!
Switchin’ lanez…Now, I really believe in people coming into our path for a reason. So, while my cellie has lost all HOPE and FAITH, giving up on himself; I have not. I still don’t know why he was sent my way. I mean he is 21-years older than me. Maybe he’s around to feed me wisdom, which we build on different topics on a daily basis. You’re never too young or too old to learn…..
While I continue to search for answers, I am sure God will provide. In the mean time, my cellie and I are working on “rebuilding”! I’m working on helping him to rekindle those BONDS/RELATIONSHIPS with FAITH and HOPE. I give him motivation and insight, as well as helping him exercise his MIND, BODY and SOUL. I wouldn’t be contributing to the TORTURE, but I wouldn’t be helping the cause by just watching; especially if I could help.
When our loved ones on the outside have washed their hands and moved on with their own lives. We are still in here fighting!
HOPE and FAITH: We all we got!