I apologize for being missing in action for so long. I have been busy though, and I am on a mission as well. I am finishing up my certification for Life Coaching, as well as being certified as an Offender Workforce Development Specialist. I am also facilitating a nonprofit class, an African American history class, and a few other cognitive behavior awareness classes.
Currently, I am on the waiting list for clemency, not many days left so who knows how the cookie will crumble. Besides that I am moving along through the days I am awarded to live. I wrote this post because of a debate that occurred right here on the block, while watching the marathon of Mary Jane. I noticed how easy it was for the MEN here to find creative ways to always see the worst in our WOMEN, and I decided these emotions could be used to help get me back into my writing. Hopefully, it is good enough to inspire thought, not just in us as men but also in the mind of our strong women.
To Beautiful Black Women,
I apologize to you all for allowing ignorance to lead my emotions. I never identified with your strength, your loyalty or your survival skills. I always noticed your flaws, your attitudes and your wrongs. Never your rights, your history or your needs.
I apologize for my immaturity, my self-doubt and insecurities. For you are the one who birthed me, kissed me, hugged me, and loved me. For you are the one who travels to see me and understands me to be the human I am. You are the one who cares for me, who cries for me and even lies for me. It is you who my actions have hurt the most. It is you who I have misled. It is you who I have torn down, disrespected and criticized.
I apologize for my lack of care and for my leaving you out to fend for yourself. When you need a hug, I am never there. When you need some one to help, I am unable to do so. To be a MAN to you is nothing more than a WANT from me. It is nowhere near a reality. I can easily call myself a MAN in the mirror, but never to you, face-to-face or eye-to-eye.
I have let you down. I have degraded the pureness of your soul. I have called you bitches, whores and tricks, but never a queen. I have slept with your friends. I have abandoned your family. I have hit you, neglected you and at the same time told you I loved you.
I apologize to all of you Beautiful Black Women for the man I am. Everywhere I as Black man have been, you have always been with me. On the slave ship, on the plantation, on the march for freedom as well as in the visiting rooms of mass incarceration.
I apologize to you for all that I am. Please know, I thank you, I love you and most importantly, I know that it is because of YOU that I honestly believe I can be so much more.
My apologies to you all– Beautiful Black Women.